’s Blog

Various Sports Mutterings from!

Dropping the Puck!



So… the brew crew and I went off to the TD Banknorth Garden last night to watch the Bruins/Maple Leafs face off for a high flying affair. We walked in right as they dropped the puck but got stuck in the beer line. Suddenly, the siren went off and by the time we reached our seats, two goals had been scored. We’re running to our section, two beers in hand and sit in the only spot a true fan can – center ice, last row in the balcony. The only spot you can yell crude remarks at Toronto fans; sit crammed next to a 250 pound “Joe the Plumber” and see the whole Garden at work. I missed the first 5 goals of the Bruins due to bathroom breaks and beer line backup. You can’t make this stuff up but that’s the beauty of a hockey game. Games are so fast paced and exciting and the NHL has been quickly coming back to life. Maybe I’m just drinking the Bruins Kool-Aid, and other parts of the country still ignore their teams, but you better believe it tastes good. This game of puck had everything you wanted – 13 goals, 4 fights, 4 different goalies, a hat trick, our buddies on the jumbotron, broken glass, beer line altercations and a Bruins victory.

Today’s NHL has the San Jose Sharks off to an amazing start at 25-4-3 and the Bruins are streaking at 22-5-4 winning 12 straight at home. Rounding off the top six teams are Detroit, Chicago, Washington and New Jersey who are also looking aggressive early on. The standings show the original six franchises making a competitive comeback and a flashback to the true nest of hockey lore. With exciting young stars like Ovechkin, Kessel and Crosby busting out, we can only expect more thrills to follow. I’m not going to lie. I was far from enjoying hockey for the last few years but I missed it. Where else can players talk at a face off about fighting each other and then 10 seconds later drop gloves and go at it. Speed, checking, kick save and a beauty! It brings me back to the golden days of hockey and I’m hoping a rebirth occurs because it’s faster and better than ever.

Now the Bruins won 8-5, I tossed my hat on the ice for Krejci’s hat trick celebration (not really but that makes the story better) and ended up forgetting where we parked. We got lost driving back; came home hungry, tired and having to work early that next morning. Let me tell you, it was all worth it and I can’t wait to go again. Long live hockey! Here we go Bruins here we go!


December 19, 2008 Posted by | NHL, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Santa’s List

Santa's "Naughty or Nice" List Revealed!

Santa’s ‘Naughty or Nice’ List Revealed!

Chris Johnson– Really, really, really, NICE. The only person in the Volunteer State not incredibly stoked on you is LenDale White who inevitably saw a reduced role on the team after you put up 1,100 plus yards and 9 TD’s on the Titans’ offense. Santa says you’ll get 100 glazed donuts for Christmas. Just be sure to put them in FatDale’s locker next preseason and you’re sure a shoe- in for 300 carries in 2009.

Clinton Portis– NICE. You’re still a motha f***ing star in Washington, and I’m not sure quite how you do it. Jason Campbell (QB) is pretty basic and so is the rest of the offense. Santana Moss helped spread the D out but, Portis, you got it done this year without a plethora of weapons on your team.  Santa says you’ll get a gram of grass and a Napolean Dynamite (Director’s Cut) DVD in your stocking this year so you can perfect your Dolemite Jenkins character in the offseason.  Clinton, you are really weird..but good!

Chad Johnson– You’re NAUGHTY, you prick! You are a crybaby, a selfish d-bag, grotesque to look at with your arrogant gold-plated smile and you just plain sucked this season. I can’t believe I traded Donner AND Blitzen for you in my fantasy league at the begining of the year, assuming you’d get it together. I’m not even coming by to drop off a lump of coal in your stocking on Christmas Eve. I’m just going to treat you the way you treat the Bengals in summer camp… ignore your existence.

Roddy White– Hey man, congratulations. You really hushed all the skeptics who doubted you before the year started. I too, thought last year was a fluke for you and highly doubted you were capable of repeating 2007 numbers, especially given a rookie quarterback and an average O-line to work with this year.  You get a stocking full of love from Santa, and in turn I’ll be burning my Terrence Mathis jersey since YOU are now the franchise leader in single season yards. I’ll also be burning that jersey because I could care less about the Falcons…

Edgerrin James– You’re nice but you are older than my wife. Come to Hawaii with me after Christmas and just stay there for a really long time. I guess what I mean to say is… retire. Tim Hightower is a stud and your days are numbered in Arizona and probably the NFL.  For Christmas:  The 2004 Colts Highlight reel, so you don’t forget how badass you used to be.

Jay Cutler–  Jay, I used to have an elf  up here at the North Pole.  His name was Craig.  Craig would always walk around my workshop talking about how “good” he was, and how much “better” he was than any of the other elves.  I got tired of it.  One day after taking a couple Zanex and downing a few Silver Bullets, I took him out back and shot him in the head.  That’s kind of the way I feel about you.  Your stocking stuffer this year: an ego check.

Aaron Rogers– Kudos, amigo! Mighty fine job this year! Taking the helm in Green Bay after Brett Favre is about as hard of a job as it would be to cruise into Jerusalem after the death of Jesus and humbly tell everyone that you were the new Lord and Savior.  You’ve posted better numbers this year than your predecessor has in New York.  There’s nothing I can leave you for Christmas this year. You already have what you need: a bright future in Wisconsin.

Well, I’m off to finish a few minor repairs on the sleigh and figure out what I’m getting for John Mayer. More to come from Santa’s Naughty or Nice list next week.

December 19, 2008 Posted by | Fantasy Football, NFL, Stupid Athletes, Talkin Trash, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Give Me a Ticket to Planet Holyfield

Delusions Are Fun

Delusions Are Fun

Some of you probably have heard, and even fewer of you probably care, that Evander Holyfield is fighting for a Heavyweight Championship this weekend.   Holyfield faces Nikolai Valuev in the new boxing capital of the world, Zurich, Switzerland.  Who knew the neutral Swiss were such connoisseurs of the Sweet Science?  All that fondue and Ghiradelli chocolate get that Swiss blood a-boilin’. 

Holyfield is now 46 years old and looking to supplant George Foreman as the oldest Heavyweight champ, but that’s not the part of the story that’s interesting.  Sure, Holyfield is beyond shot.  His best days are more than a decade past.  Sure, we all know the danger he faces.  Permanent brain damage?  Check.  A cruel stubborness that has led and will continue to lead to ultimate demise?  Check.  Really poor career move?  Check.   Sign me up.

Holyfield’s plight is delusionally inspiring.  Here’s a guy who’s made close to $250 million in purses over the course of his quarter-century  fight career.  A guy who still desires to go out on top.  What top is he talking about?  The top of a casket or the top of looney bin are the best guesses.  Holyfield, the man whose 109 room house in Georgia is in foreclosure, remains hopelessly devoted to the fight game.  First of all, who needs a 109 room house?  Holyfield does, and that’s all that matters.  Holyfield, the man who supposedly owes $12-$20 million to creditors, the government, child support, Shawn Kemp, the Somali pirates, and his Dungeons and Dragons fantasy league, remains focused on his goal.  That goal…to be Heavyweight Champ.  You’ve got to love a man with a goal. 

The best part of Holyfield’s madness remains the fact that he could actually win the fight against Valuev, and even if he loses Holyfield won’t care what we think.  Why?  How?  Have you seen Valuev?  He’s 7’2″ and resembles some sort of cross between Jaws from Octopussy and a mangy, arthritic Sasquatch.  Holyfield’s ginormous noggin is so calloused and damaged that he won’t feel the paws of Valuev.  A man, who shall remain anonymous, once bit Holyfield’s ear off so do you think fighting a monster scares him.  Hell no!  Evander is the Van Helsing of boxing.  The fight, while completely unwatchable and hideously ridiculous, will go down as a circus event of epic proportions. 

In olden days of yesteryear a man of Holyfield’s level of delusions would have had to be a victim of Syphillis.  In the 1960s and 70s, we’d say he was trippin’.  Well, FlyMaster is asking for some Syphillis and whatever else it takes to get himself to the level of Holyfield delusions.  He has the single-minded focus of Miyamoto Musashi and the stubborness of a three-legged blind bull that has one testicle yet still tries to impregnate the herd.  That’s what it’s all about.  11 kids out of wedlock?  Who gives a damn?  House in foreclosure?  Houses are overrated.  Just show Holyfield the ring and let him do the crazy stuff most of us can’t even fathom.

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

December 19, 2008 Posted by | Boxing, Features & Opinions | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

UFC and NASCAR Face Murder, Harassment and Drugs

Justin Levens

Justin Levens


A possible murder-suicide incident with well known UFC fighter Justin Levens and his wife Sara McLean-Levens has been uncovered today. Current investigations assume that Justin may have been the potential killer. Authorities are not ruling anything out at this point, as there is much more to unravel.

The two were found Wednesday afternoon at 2:30 PM by McLean-Levens’ mother, who stated it had been about five days since she last heard from her 25 year old daughter. Both were found in their Laguna Niguel condominium with a handgun on sight, but no suicide note.

The fact that Levens was convicted of spousal injury back in 2003 makes the suicide suspicion a strong possibility. More on this is to come after the full autopsy is completed today.


NASCAR has finally settled a $225 million lawsuit with a former official who felt she was racially discriminated and sexually harassed. Mauricia Grant served the organization for 2+ years and was illegally singled out.

You know she must have been discriminated and harassed because NASCAR spokesman Ramsey Poston released a statement stating “We’re glad to have the case settled on mutually acceptable terms”. There’s no way NASCAR would’ve settled for that much $$$ if she hadn’t been tapped.

In other NASCAR news, the organization has decided to test drivers for performance-enhancing drugs starting next month. NASCAR will take tougher actions by testing before seasons begin and continue random testing throughout the year. NASCAR hopes to conduct testing on 12-14 drivers per series each weekend in 2009.

Skrybe – Keep it Fly

December 19, 2008 Posted by | Features & Opinions, MMA, Motorsports, NASCAR | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

20 NFL Questions

Braylon Edwards of the Browns

Braylon Edwards of the Browns

1. Why does Braylon Edwards blame the fans of Cleveland for his icy reception instead of blaming his own two hands?

2. Speaking of Cleveland, how in the world can the Dolphins go from 1-15 in 2007 to potential division winners in 2008, but the Browns haven’t come close to that in the ten years since their return to the league?

3. Do you think the winless Buccaneers of 1976 really want the Lions to win a game?

4. Why can’t T.O. simply utter these two words when posed a question?: No comment



5. After seeing the success of the Patriots during this decade, why does Jerry Jones continue to invest in trouble making divas?

6.  Is it possible that GM Carl Peterson actually fell on the sword to save his buddy Herm’s job?

7. Is  anyone else as tired as I am of these Miller Lite “More Taste League” ads?

8. And can I just watch a football game without being bombarded about commercials discussing erectile dysfunction, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancer?

9. Don’t you hope that this disappointing season won’t be an aid in moving the Bills out of Buffalo?

10. Can we please do away with the Pro Bowl and just have skill competitions?

11. Speaking of the Pro Bowl, did Brett Favre really deserve to be voted in?

12. Aren’t you surprised that you haven’t seen Peyton Manning in more ads this year?

13. When Al Davis inevitably fires his interim head coach, who in the world will want to coach this team?

14. Is wide receiver Jerry Porter the worst free agent signing of the off-season?

15. Isn’t Michael Turner the best free agent signing of the off-season?

16. Do you think the San Diego Chargers regret letting Turner walk away? 17. If he had a decent quarterback, wouldn’t Adrian Peterson be well over 2,000 rushing yards by now?

18. Isn’t it hard to believe that recently convicted O.J Simpson was one of the best backs the NFL has ever seen?

19. Aren’t you tired of ESPN’s John Clayton reporting a story one day, and contradicting himself the next?

20.  How is it that no matter who coaches the team (who plays for the them), the Steelers always win?

December 19, 2008 Posted by | Features & Opinions, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments