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Screw the Student Athlete, It’s Time for A Playoff!

Screw the Student Athlete, It’s Time for A Playoff

   The college football season is over, so lets go ahead and re-cue the endless debate about whether the BCS system works or whether we should have a playoff. Let me start by saying everybody who doesn’t want a playoff is a complete moron. Sorry, that’s real. These are the people who still get their porn from magazines (youporn.com fellas) and who think Lil Wayne is an insightful rapper (A Milli, A Milli, A Milli). There is really no reasoning with them.
    Of all the ridiculous arguments in favor of the BCS, my favorite is the one about how it will “compromise the academic integrity of the student athlete”. First off the other NCAA subdivisions do it and they have players who will be helping you at Best Buy next year, not playing on Sundays. But more importantly it’s not like these prestigious academic institution give two sh***s about their players academic future. According to a recent USA survey, Oklahoma graduates a whopping 46% of its football players. (Other BCS schools with stellar graduation rates include Texas 50%, Ohio State 52%, USC 54% and Utah 57%). Keep in mind that includes all the back up long snappers and white wide-receivers teams keep on the roster just to boost the collective GPA.
   Really it’s surprising that people who run a University don’t understand the definition of hypocrisy. The schools puts all this emphasis on keeping athletes academically eligible while they are on the field, but as soon as that last game is up they can all go right back to smoking weed and skipping class for all anybody cares. A wise man once told me after I got to second base with a lady friend, “If you don’t finish, it doesn’t count.” Well the same thing applies for college. Good luck telling a potential employer, “Well I spent three and half years and Miami, but I just couldn’t make it through that last semester.” You’re better off breaking out a ITT Tech certificate.
    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making a public plea for the NCAA and schools to crack down on their athletes. In fact I’m doing just the opposite. Look, I paid about $120,000 (thanks Dad) for 5 joyful years of college. And one of the things I want from my school is a good football team. Not a new telescope, not a professor with a Nobel Prize, I want a national championship for my parents hard earned dollars. I’d much rather have a guy that runs a 4.2 forty than somebody who can be my lab partner.
    So I propose a new plan. Treat athletes like what they are, celebrities who are being paid to attend the school and bring in dollars to the Athletic Department. If the player wants to take advantage of their scholarship and go to class, great. If not, they can earn their keep in other ways. Required hours playing intermural sports with regular students. Mandatory attendance at all fraternity parties. (Bonus points for choreographed pool dives or drunken Facebook pictures). Maybe they can even teach a class or two, can you imagine attending “Making it Rain 101” with PacMan Jones.
    It’s time eliminate the outdated facade of the “student athlete” and move one step closer to a play-off.

…And that’s what the StatDragon is breathing fire about!

January 10, 2009 - Posted by | NFL, Stupid Athletes, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , ,

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