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Tiger Balm on the Rocket’s Sack

Fire Down Below

Fire Down Below

Roger Clemens’ legacy sports more tarnish than a Rodin sculpture left out in the Paris weather for 150 years, but the latest revelations from Tom Verducci and Joe Torre’s book “The Yankee Years” are just way too much information.  For years Clemens’ workout regimen was put on the pantheon of athletic asceticism alongside Jerry Rice and Walter Payton.  “The Yankee Years” may have just revealed how weird a guy Roger Clemens is and odd effects steroids can contribute to deranging an already slightly deranged mind.  In the book, Clemens pregame ritual on pitch days was revealed.  Steve Donahue, Yankees trainer, claimed that on pitch days Clemens would start by taking a whirlpool bath in scalding hot water.  Donahue said that Clemens would emerge “looking like a lobster.”  Okay, that’s not too weird.  Slightly masochistic, yes, but not altogether weird.  Clemens would then have Donahue take the hottest liniment and rub it into his testicles.  You read it right.  Rub it into his testicles.  Donahue continued to say that Clemens would “snort like a bull” and that was the sign he was ready to pitch.  Weird.

 

Clemens’ fall from grace doesn’t need anymore coverage, and getting liniment rubbed into his nuts may just be par for the course.  Instead, let’s think about poor Steve Donahue.  How many kids dream about wearing the famed pinstripes when they grow up?  How many of those kids actually realize that dream?  Steve Donahue realized the dream, donned the pinstripes, and once he made the big leagues he ends up rubbing Tiger Balm on the Rocket’s testes.  At that price, you can keep the pinstripes.  He might as well be in prison and Clemens was his “big brother.” 

Imagine going home at night, washing your hands for 2 hours only to have your wife or girlfriend say “how was work…what did you do today?” 

“Oh, same ol’ same ol’.  I did some therapy on Giambi’s mustache, did rehab work with Hideki, and then rubbed some liniment on Clemens’ genitalia.” 

“Isn’t that a little gay?” 

“Yeah, a little bit, but he’s the Rocket.” 

“Did you touch his rocket?”

“No, baby that’s just gross…strictly the nuts.”

That conversation can’t ever go well.  Sorry, Steve Donahue did you not ever see that Beverly Hills 90210 episode where they teach about “No Means No”?  Rub your own testes.  That should be a rule across society.  Rub your own testes.

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now! 

January 29, 2009 - Posted by | Doping, Features & Opinions, Major League Baseball, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Funny stuff. I once used Tiger Balm on my thighs and it ended up on rubbing on my sizzack, and let me tell you, that is no joke. No amount of showering gets that sting out. Clemens must’ve loved pain … Now, does Steve Donahue list that on his LinkedIn or Monster profile?

    Comment by Straight Cash | January 29, 2009 | Reply


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