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Monday Morning Bullets

Yet another sports weekend has come, gone, and receded into distant memory.  From the BCS to the Pros to the ring, last weekend was action packed.  Let’s roll.

  • Florida and Tim Tebow rolled on the ‘Bama Tide, riding the wave all the way into the BCS Championship.  Question.  Is Tim Tebow back in the top 2-3 in Heisman consideration?
  • Sam Bradford, with his slightly mongoloid looks, and the Sooners treated the Mizzou Tigers like hunters intent on migrating the Tigers from the endangered species list to the extinct list.
  • In a battle of the Sooners and the Gators who wins?  This will not be a defensive game reminiscient of the USC-Texas game a few years back.  Bet the over and look for the Gators to outlast the Sooners.
  • All other bowls were announced and in the effort of not boring you to death please allow Ye Olde FlyMaster break down the rotating door of corporate sponsors.
    • Chik-Fil-A still sponsors a bowl.  The chicken business is still good.
    • Bell Helicopter sponsors the Armed Forces bowl.  What the hell is Bell Helicopter?
      Bell Helicopter Bowl?

      Bell Helicopter Bowl?

    • Roady’s now sponsors the Humanitarian Bowl.  What the hell is Roady’s?  Is it like Carrow’s or Applebees or is it a myspace for guitar techs, sound guys, and cocaine dealers?
    • Gaylord Hotels sponsors the Music City Bowl.  FlyMaster is all about social equality and justice, but staying at a Gaylord Hotel could be dicey.  Word on the street is the halftime show is an “extravaganza of fabulous proportions.”  Good luck Nashville.
    • Eagle Bank sponsors a Bowl.  Wait, didn’t all banks fail?  Why is a small bank sponsoring a Bowl game?  Sponsor my mortgage fool!
  • Can we drop all this non-BCS school controversy.  Boise State can moan louder than James Caan in Misery (post hobbling), but the fact of the matter is Utah had a great season and earned the ability to get boat-raced by Alabama in the annual “Small School Gets Owned by a Disgruntled Powerhouse Bowl.”  Shut up and schedule some big boy football schools during the season and then maybe we’ll entertain your little brother complex.
  • The Plaxidental shooting shook the Giants this weekend.  The Eagles came to play and ran the division leaders easily.  The Giants won’t be shaken for long, but they looked pedestrian against Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook.
  • Hold the presses…the Arizona Cardinals won their division and will host their first playoff game since 1947.  1947?  Here are some 1947 fun facts.
    • Truman was President and the buck stopped there.
    • People were sexing it up at an all-time high.  Hence the baby boom.
    • Gas was free and houses could be bought with a bail of hay and three domesticated animals.
    • The internet was the lining on the inside of a pair of burlap swimtrunks.
    • Zoot suits and pressing one’s hair was considered cool.
    • Television was the work of the devil.

  • Back to the Cardinals.  Looking at all potential NFC playoff teams, the Cardinals could do quite well because there’s only one cold weather team in the race, the Giants.  That levels the playing field for the desert birds.  Look for the Cardinals to swoop into the NFC Championship game.  Did the FlyMaster really just say that?

  • The world is crumbling.The Cowboys snatched defeat from the clutches of victory as Tony Romo gave the Steelers a go ahead TD late in the fourth.  With that said, the Cowboys are still clinging on to the last playoff spot.

  • Speaking of the Steelers…it’s time to put them on the list of all-time great defenses.  These guys are aggressive, precise, and play like a cohesive unit.  The Steelers are the favorite in the AFC.  Plus, they have Hines Ward, the toughest guy with the whitest teeth.
  • The Titans keep rolling, but they look like the most suspect one loss team ever.
  • The Jets lost again, and now there’s a three way tie for the AFC East between the Bretts, the Former Brady’s, and the Parcells.  Guaranteed…Grumpy ass Belichick and crew will win the division.
  • The Detroit Lions are 0-13.  What an accomplishment?  That’s like missing every question on an elementary school spelling test.  That’s better than being the one guy at a desperate fat chick convention and not scoring a fling.  No…it’s better than that.  It’s like showing up to the desperate fat chick convention wearing a suit made of cake and ice cream, and still not sealing the deal.  There’s no truth to the rumors that the Detroit Lions will be conducting seminars on professional excellence at Notre Dame and in Ann Arbor.
  • Does anyone want to win the AFC West? Sure the Broncos are comfortably ahead and will make the playoffs, but is any other team concerned about them?  Doubt it.
  • Give Mike Singletary the 49ers job permanently.  The niners played like a Super Bowl team and that just shows they’re taking on Singletary’s personality.
  • On to the major fight between Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya.  Pac Man destroyed the bigger, slower De La Hoya in historic fashion.  Speed nutralized size.  Heart and intent conquered experience and legacy.  De La Hoya was done from the opening bell.  Not answering the bell for the ninth was completely unacceptable.  You’re a legend.  Man up and go out on your shield.  As a longtime Golden Boy fan, it was rough to see him turn into Gold Dust, but Manny Pacquiao can’t be denied.  Forget the fight with Hatton, bring back Floyd Gayweather Jr. so he can try and escape the Filipino Phenom.
  • Lastly, please allow the FlyMaster to pay homage to Greg Maddux, who will announce his retirement this week.  In an era of power pitchers, Maddux’s control, mastery, and grittiness made him the poster child for baseball intellectualism (otherwise an oxymoron).  With Clemens sullying his name, it can be argued that Maddux is the greatest righty in the modern era.  Farewell!

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

December 8, 2008 Posted by | Boxing, College Football, Features & Opinions, General, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment