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Let Hyperbole Rule The Day

The Super Bowl experience increasingly wraps and intertwines itself in a bind of hype, hyperbole, and overexposure.  Turn on your TV, radio, or computer today and everywhere you turn Super Bowl 43 stares at you like that money you would have saved if you signed with Geico.  From Sunday to Sunday the coverage is simply too much.  There is no way the game can ever live up to the hype that precedes it.  It’s Monday morning and I’ve already heard the following stories.

  1. Hines Ward is waking up every 3 hours to take medicine and ice his knee.  Big f’*cking deal.  So does the FlyGrandma.
  2. Tampa Bay is bracing itself for a week of record crowds.  New York just called to say “shut the f up.”
  3. Arizona players are spending Monday and Tuesday dealing with the logistics of giving out tickets.  All of America is busy ducking creditors, so giving out tickets seems mighty easy.
  4. This just in…Kurt Warner thanked Jesus.
  5. Mike and Mike on the Radio just went through their top Super Bowl moments.  Every other media outlest will publish their lists by noon on Tuesday.
  6. The weather in Tampa is nice. 
  7. Ben Roethlisberger is happy to be back in the Super Bowl.  What is he supposed to be, pissed off?
  8. Arizona feel like underdogs and nobody respects them.  You know who’s not respected?  The homeless, three-legged dogs, middle-aged call girls, honeybees, and teachers.
  9. John Madden is riding a bus to Tampa.  No shit.  Wow, is it filled with Turducken?
  10. Vegas is bracing for a record in bets.  Of course it is, everyone who’s broke is looking for the quick come up.

Dont Believe the Hype

Don't Believe the Hype

Brace yourselves for the wave of inundation.  If the game can be 1/10 as good as the hype machine says it will be, we’ll have ourselves a game worthy of being played in week 12 of any season. 

 

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

January 26, 2009 Posted by | Features & Opinions, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Super Bowl MVP…Rod Tidwell???

Meet Tidwell, the new Boldin

Often times movies take place in the past, depicting a different time than the one we know now. Other films make statements about society as it exists currently. There is even plenty of cinema which places us years in the future with promises of flying cars or world ending issues. Very few movies however, make predictions which actually come true. That being said, when Cameron Crowe wrote and directed “Jerry Maguire” in 1996 he must have been listening to the “Power of Love” while cruising into 2008 proud of his flux capacitor, because Anquan Boldin is in his movie…. Crowe simply changed his name to Rod Tidwell. I know your mind has already been blown, however I will outline the ridiculous similarities for any nay-sayers that may be left out there (Hey nay-sayers, “help me, help you”). We’ll start with the obvious: both Anquan Boldin and Rod Tidwell play wide receiver for the Arizona Cardinals. Both Boldin and Tidwell are disgruntled by their respective contracts that each believes to be far inferior to that of his teammates. In Boldin’s case specifically, with two years and just under six million dollars left on his current contract (he signed a four year extension in 2005 for 22.67 million) he wants something closer to Larry Fitzgerald’s four year, forty million dollar deal he signed this past March. Both players are playing to prove they deserve the contracts they are requesting, and while playing incredibly hard for said contracts each takes a crazy hit in the endzone by multiple players from the opposite team which threatens to end his career. Both players come back much faster than immediately expected, with Tidwell eventually getting up a few minutes later, and Boldin only missing two games despite predictions by doctors that he would miss much more time. The similarities between the courage, strength, and athleticism of these two strong African American athletes cannot be denied and should not be ignored. If Cameron Crowe was able to put Anquan Boldin on the big screen in 1996, shouldn’t we at least ask him when he thinks this economic crisis might end? President Obama should invite him into the oval office, hear what he has to say and then tell him, “You had me from hello.” I’m just sayin, the man has some way of seeing into the future… of this I am sure. In closing I have a word of advise for Mr. Boldin; fire your agent, call up Tom Cruise and offer him a job. Then, when you help lead your team to their first ever world championship, get on the podium, grab the mike, and yell “SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!” Tom will take care of the rest. Oh yeah, and in case any of ya’ll forgot, Rod Tidwell has a word meaning love, respect, community, and MONEY……….. it’s “quan”…

StatDragon out.

p.s. LadyDragon….. “You complete me”

January 24, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why Dennis Green Now Deserves Respect

Green Deserves Some Respect

Green Deserves Some Respect

As the Arizona Cardinals prepare to host a playoff game, one man seems to be forgotten–Dennis Green.

Green was hired in January of 2004 and fired in January of 2007.  But during his tenure in Arizona, Green helped to build the team that is now one step away from the Superbowl.

Green came on board in January of 2004.   In early 2005, the Cardinals signed Kurt Warner to a one year deal, before signing a three year extension on February 14th, 2006.  And though prior to this season Warner had had an up and down career in Arizona, the Cardinals brass always knew that they had a competent quarterback on their bench.  And it certainly shows now.

In Green’s first season in Arizona, though he knew he had an incredible receiver in Anquan Boldin, Green’s first selection was used on WR Larry Fitzgerald.  Green had a personal relationship with Fitzgerald, as he was a ball boy in Minnesota when Green coached the Vikings.

In the second round and third rounds, the Cardinals picked up Karlos Dansby and Darnell Dockett.

The 2005 draft saw the Cardinals pick up Antrelle Rolle, who is now paying dividends.  And in 2006, the Cardinals signed Colts running back Edgerrin James in free agency.  Though James has not been effective prior to this late season run, it goes to show that James still has gas in the tank and was indeed a good pickup by the Cardinals.

This isn’t to say that current head coach Ken Wisenhunt hasn’t done a good job–he has.  He has helped to reform a losing culture in Arizona.  And certainly, quarterback Matt Leinart hasn’t worked out just yet, but there’s no doubt that Dennis Green needs some appreciation for what’s happening in Arizona.  He helped stock that team with talent–we certainly know he has an eye for talent from his days in Minnesota.  Though he’ll always be famous for his rant after the Sunday Night loss to the Chicago Bears in 2006, Green deserves to get some due respect for the Cardinals’ ability to turn around their 2008 season.

January 15, 2009 Posted by | NFL | , , , , | Leave a comment

Straight Cash’s Divisional Playoff Picks

There are some juicy, juicy matchups this weekend. Lots of top defenses showcased, a wild gun show on display in the South, and a good old NFC East hatefest. Let’s get it on.

Do the dance, Ray, do the dance.

Do the dance, Ray, do the dance.

Baltimore Ravens at Tennessee Titans, 01/10/09, 4:30pm EST, CBS
Line/Total: TEN -3, o/u 34

The Pick: BAL +3

Everyone’s saying that a rookie QB like Flacco will fold against Tennessee’s punishing front, but New Guy Joe gets to see this type of “D” everyday in practice. The Titans won back in Week 5 (13-10) in a grind it out, defensive battle, but I think the difference this time is the improved play and confidence of Flacco and the growth of Le’Ron McClain as a legitimate back to pair with Willis McGahee. Kerry Collins, LenDale White and Chris Johnson are stabling forces for the Titans, but the loss of Kevin Mawae under center will play a big role at the line. To me, it just seems like the Ravens D is jacked entering the postseason, led by All-world hawk Ed Reed. No doubt, Tennessee is still one of the top 3 defenses in the league, I just don’t think they have enough weapons offensively to put up points. The Ravens will keep it close and may win outright — lots of penalties, trash talking and clock running in this one.

My name is not pronounced Del-Homey

My name is not pronounced Del-Homey

Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers, 01/10/09, 8:15pm EST, FOX
Line/Total: CAR -10, o/u 49

The Pick: Over 49

I’m riding the Arizona “over” train until it falls off the tracks. This team cannot cover anyone and Kurt Warner must try to outgun each opponent they face. And why not? with both NFC Pro Bowl WR starters at his disposal in Boldin and Fitzgerald, could you blame him. Carolina has found gold in their backfield tandem of DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart. And of course, Steve Smith is a game changer. Need some numbers? The two teams combined for 50 in a 27-23 Panthers win in Week 8. The over is 7-2 in Arizona’s and Carolina’s last 9 games. Carolina has given up an average of 25 points in that span, and Arizona 29.5. It’s Jake Delhomme’s 33rd birthday Saturday and his wish of a Carolina win will come to fruition, just not sure it’s by the 10 points Vegas is projecting them by. So take the over, sit back on the Lazy Boy and watch some fireworks in the Bank of America Dome.

Don't do the dance, Donovan, don't do the dance.

Don't do the dance, Donovan, don't do the dance.

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants, 01/11/09, 1:00pm EST FOX
Line/Total: NYG -4, o/u 38

The Pick: NYG -4

The Eagles are playing excellent ball at the right time. The Donovan McNabb Hall of Fame talk has resurfaced. Philly’s defense has been dynamic with Johnson at the helm. I’m still taking the Giants to win and cover. A few reasons why: 1) They’re at home. 2) Eli has more weapons to pass to than Donovan. 3) Brandon “Frankenstein” Jacobs is at full force. 4) The 3-headed monster that is Jacobs-Ward-Bradshaw is more effective than a nicked up Westbrook and Buckhalter. 5) The Meadowlands field will be slick and there’s a 90% chance of snowfall/rain, which bodes well for the Giants ground attack. 6) The Giants have been there, done that, and coach Coughlin has had an extra week to prep the troops. And finally, 7) Those two “MENSA” candidates Andy Reid and McNabb will find a way to implode on the big stage. ‘Nuff said.

Now if I could just "PLAY like a champion" on Sunday.

Now if I could just "PLAY like a champion" on Sunday.

San Diego Chargers at Pittsburgh Steelers, 01/11/09, 4:45pm EST, CBS
Line/Total: PIT -6, o/u 37.5

The Pick: PIT -6

I still don’t believe in Philip Rivers. While everyone waxes poetic about his natural ability and competitiveness, I still think he’s just a gunslinger who lacks the leadership quality (charisma) to inspire his team. That said, the Steelers will bring the pressure in waves at the Chargers, and Rivers will have to get rid of the ball quicker than he’s used to. Darren Sproles has to be ready to catch short dinks from the backfield ala LaDainian Tomlinson, while Gates must push hard off the line for SD to be effective. Now, what concerns me for Pittsburgh is the offensive side of the ball. Big Ben is holding on to the ball longer than he should be, resulting in multiple sack games, while the deep threat in Santonio Holmes has been nullified throughout the year. Look for the Steelers to give the Chargers a big dose of Fast Willie Parker and Mewelde Moore. The -6 points from Vegas is pretty steep, but the Steelers have gotten all the breaks of late and it’ll be a game-changing turnover (maybe by the wavy-haired Samoan) that’ll put the Steelers over the top. Also, that same competitiveness that Rivers is lauded for will be his undoing as he’ll attempt some unnecessary deep throws into the Pittsburgh’s secondary. The only thing that worries me is Big Ben’s bell being rung to the tune of another concussion.

Went 3-1 in last weekend’s Wild Card matchups. Let’s keep up the good vibes.

2009 record: 5-2.

Straight Cash … Homey!

January 10, 2009 Posted by | General, NFL, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Straight Cash’s Wild Card Weekend Picks

This NFL Wild Card weekend will have dirty birds, rookie QBs, MVPs, All-Days, Burners, Bolts and Colts. It also features all 4 home teams as underdogs — first time I’ve ever seen that. Let’s get to the picks. Short and sweet.

Dreaming of days with Martz and Faulk

Dreaming of days with Martz and Faulk

Atlanta Falcons at Arizona Cardinals, 4:30pm EST, NBC
Line/Total: ATL -2, o/u 51

The pick: Over 51

It’ll be a shootout in the desert. The Falcons will score points because the Cardinals are 0-6 against teams who were in the top 10 in rushing (the Falcons are ranked #2 behind the Giants). Then, after a steady diet of Mike Turner and Jerious Norwood, Matt Ryan will open up the field against Arizona’s 22nd ranked pass D. On the other side, Arizona will take to the air because they are dead last in rushing, and so we’ll see the Kurt Warner show against Atlanta’s very shaky secondary. This game may also get messy with the presence of John Abraham and his 16.5 sacks. Though a lot of things point to an Atlanta win, you cannot count out Captain Kurt at home. He will go down chucking the ball to his talented trio of receivers, and if he misses, well that’s just better field position for the dirty birds. One big stat: the over is 9-1 in Arizona’s last 10 home games.

Will Peyton take it lying down?

Will Peyton take it lying down?

Indianapolis Colts at San Diego Chargers, 8:00pm EST, NBC
Line/Total: IND -1, o/u 50

The pick: IND -1

The Chargers may be on a roll with 4 wins in a row to close the season, but if you look closely they were against the doormat Chiefs, lowly Raiders, and self-destructing Broncos and Bucs teams. The Colts are riding a 9-win wave themselves with quality victories over the Steelers, Patriots and a 23-20 Week 12 win over the Chargers at Qualcomm. In this matchup of two premier QBs, I’ll take Indy’s 6th ranked pass D over the 31st ranked San Diego pass D (only the Seahawks were worse). It will be close throughout, but look for the Colts to slow this game down, and finish with a vintage Peyton Manning, long, drawn-out, antsy, multi-audible, drive.

Will Ed Reed touch the ball more than Ricky Williams?

Will Ed Reed touch the ball more than Ricky Williams?

Baltimore Orioles at Miami Dolphins, 1:00pm EST, CBS
Line/Total: BAL -3, o/u 38

The pick: BAL -3

Baltimore’s D will be too much for Pennington and Miami. In their 27-13 Week 7 win over the Dolphins, the Ravens stopped the vaunted Wildcat offense allowing only 71 rush yards and forcing a pick 6 courtesy of Terrell Suggs. Look for Baltimore to bring the same defensive gameplan and challenge Pennington to go deep (not his strength) where my pick for Defensive Player of the Year, Mr. Ed Reed (and his 9 INTs), will be waiting. All rookie QB Joe Flacco has to do is his best Kerry Collins imitation and take care of the ball and make simple, low risk plays, and leave the rest to Ray Lewis, Bart Scott, Suggs and company. The Dolphins’ and Pennington’s comeback story has been inspiring this year, but it ends this weekend.

A little help on "O" please

A little help on "O" please

Philadelphia Eagles at Minnesota Vikings, 4:30pm EST, FOX
Line/Total: PHI -2, o/u 41

The pick: PHI -2

If the Eagles were facing any other NFC playoff team, I might think twice about picking them because of their inconsistency and much too frequent brain farts. But against the one-dimensional Vikes, it makes it easy for D-guru Jim Johnson to scheme up ways to stop Adrian Peterson and expose the Vikings passing game. Yes, Minnesota has the top-ranked rush defense, but Philadelphia isn’t too shabby at #5. The difference is that Philly has a very efficient McNabb, who’s making the right reads of late. Also, the Eagles 3rd ranked pass defense will feast on Minny’s 25th ranked pass offense. Nothing else here other than the Eagles secondary has been swarming, and if any bit of the intensity brought against Dallas shows up, it’ll be a long day for Tavaris Jackson. Hopefully, we don’t get any of this on the sidelines.

USC’s KO of Penn State started the year off right. Straight Cash record for 2009: 1-0

Good Luck everyone.

January 3, 2009 Posted by | General, NFL, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Monday Morning Bullets

Yet another sports weekend has come, gone, and receded into distant memory.  From the BCS to the Pros to the ring, last weekend was action packed.  Let’s roll.

  • Florida and Tim Tebow rolled on the ‘Bama Tide, riding the wave all the way into the BCS Championship.  Question.  Is Tim Tebow back in the top 2-3 in Heisman consideration?
  • Sam Bradford, with his slightly mongoloid looks, and the Sooners treated the Mizzou Tigers like hunters intent on migrating the Tigers from the endangered species list to the extinct list.
  • In a battle of the Sooners and the Gators who wins?  This will not be a defensive game reminiscient of the USC-Texas game a few years back.  Bet the over and look for the Gators to outlast the Sooners.
  • All other bowls were announced and in the effort of not boring you to death please allow Ye Olde FlyMaster break down the rotating door of corporate sponsors.
    • Chik-Fil-A still sponsors a bowl.  The chicken business is still good.
    • Bell Helicopter sponsors the Armed Forces bowl.  What the hell is Bell Helicopter?
      Bell Helicopter Bowl?

      Bell Helicopter Bowl?

    • Roady’s now sponsors the Humanitarian Bowl.  What the hell is Roady’s?  Is it like Carrow’s or Applebees or is it a myspace for guitar techs, sound guys, and cocaine dealers?
    • Gaylord Hotels sponsors the Music City Bowl.  FlyMaster is all about social equality and justice, but staying at a Gaylord Hotel could be dicey.  Word on the street is the halftime show is an “extravaganza of fabulous proportions.”  Good luck Nashville.
    • Eagle Bank sponsors a Bowl.  Wait, didn’t all banks fail?  Why is a small bank sponsoring a Bowl game?  Sponsor my mortgage fool!
  • Can we drop all this non-BCS school controversy.  Boise State can moan louder than James Caan in Misery (post hobbling), but the fact of the matter is Utah had a great season and earned the ability to get boat-raced by Alabama in the annual “Small School Gets Owned by a Disgruntled Powerhouse Bowl.”  Shut up and schedule some big boy football schools during the season and then maybe we’ll entertain your little brother complex.
  • The Plaxidental shooting shook the Giants this weekend.  The Eagles came to play and ran the division leaders easily.  The Giants won’t be shaken for long, but they looked pedestrian against Donovan McNabb and Brian Westbrook.
  • Hold the presses…the Arizona Cardinals won their division and will host their first playoff game since 1947.  1947?  Here are some 1947 fun facts.
    • Truman was President and the buck stopped there.
    • People were sexing it up at an all-time high.  Hence the baby boom.
    • Gas was free and houses could be bought with a bail of hay and three domesticated animals.
    • The internet was the lining on the inside of a pair of burlap swimtrunks.
    • Zoot suits and pressing one’s hair was considered cool.
    • Television was the work of the devil.

  • Back to the Cardinals.  Looking at all potential NFC playoff teams, the Cardinals could do quite well because there’s only one cold weather team in the race, the Giants.  That levels the playing field for the desert birds.  Look for the Cardinals to swoop into the NFC Championship game.  Did the FlyMaster really just say that?

  • The world is crumbling.The Cowboys snatched defeat from the clutches of victory as Tony Romo gave the Steelers a go ahead TD late in the fourth.  With that said, the Cowboys are still clinging on to the last playoff spot.

  • Speaking of the Steelers…it’s time to put them on the list of all-time great defenses.  These guys are aggressive, precise, and play like a cohesive unit.  The Steelers are the favorite in the AFC.  Plus, they have Hines Ward, the toughest guy with the whitest teeth.
  • The Titans keep rolling, but they look like the most suspect one loss team ever.
  • The Jets lost again, and now there’s a three way tie for the AFC East between the Bretts, the Former Brady’s, and the Parcells.  Guaranteed…Grumpy ass Belichick and crew will win the division.
  • The Detroit Lions are 0-13.  What an accomplishment?  That’s like missing every question on an elementary school spelling test.  That’s better than being the one guy at a desperate fat chick convention and not scoring a fling.  No…it’s better than that.  It’s like showing up to the desperate fat chick convention wearing a suit made of cake and ice cream, and still not sealing the deal.  There’s no truth to the rumors that the Detroit Lions will be conducting seminars on professional excellence at Notre Dame and in Ann Arbor.
  • Does anyone want to win the AFC West? Sure the Broncos are comfortably ahead and will make the playoffs, but is any other team concerned about them?  Doubt it.
  • Give Mike Singletary the 49ers job permanently.  The niners played like a Super Bowl team and that just shows they’re taking on Singletary’s personality.
  • On to the major fight between Manny Pacquiao and Oscar De La Hoya.  Pac Man destroyed the bigger, slower De La Hoya in historic fashion.  Speed nutralized size.  Heart and intent conquered experience and legacy.  De La Hoya was done from the opening bell.  Not answering the bell for the ninth was completely unacceptable.  You’re a legend.  Man up and go out on your shield.  As a longtime Golden Boy fan, it was rough to see him turn into Gold Dust, but Manny Pacquiao can’t be denied.  Forget the fight with Hatton, bring back Floyd Gayweather Jr. so he can try and escape the Filipino Phenom.
  • Lastly, please allow the FlyMaster to pay homage to Greg Maddux, who will announce his retirement this week.  In an era of power pitchers, Maddux’s control, mastery, and grittiness made him the poster child for baseball intellectualism (otherwise an oxymoron).  With Clemens sullying his name, it can be argued that Maddux is the greatest righty in the modern era.  Farewell!

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

December 8, 2008 Posted by | Boxing, College Football, Features & Opinions, General, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment