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National Signing Day = Media Pedophilia

A Complete Sham

A Complete Sham

For those of us who are maniacally cynical, pessimistic, and overall dour on the state of society National Signing Day is yet another reminder of our imminent demise.  This year ESPN, SI, and Fox Sports have all been touting the arrival of National Signing Day for two weeks.  The question I’d pose is why?  First of all we’re talking about 17 and 18 year old kids who’ve yet to go to the prom, take a driving test, and witness their last pep rally in the quad during nutrition (or recess which is even more juvenile).  The fact of the matter is that no matter how much hype surrounds National Signing Day only a couple of these kids will truly taste collegiate greatness and even fewer will matriculate from the collegiate ranks to the NFL.  In other words, media coverage falsely inflates and exploits many of these kids filling them with false hopes and false expectations. 

Recruiting has become a full-time job for top tier college programs and covering recruiting has become big business for sites like Scouts, Inc. and Rivals.com.  The fuel that flames the maelstrom of recruiting madness remains the human element.  Kids, whether the successful few or the discounted many, are the crux of this media phenomenon.  Names are volleyed about and kid’s are lauded as the next Ray Lewis or Reggie Bush, but honestly how many of us have ever seen or heard of these kids?  Would we know or care about them if not for the media throwing them in our faces?  No way!  On a deeper level, there is a definite element of child abuse and pedophilia that resonates through this whole process.  You have middle-aged men (coaches, recruiters, etc) communicating with kids via text messages and official visits and under-the-table gifts.  That smells bad.  ESPN posting videos of top prospects and prematurely touting kids as idols is damaging to the kid and lowers the moral bar of the sports consumer.  It’s the “pornofication” of sports.  The bottom line is if you’re 17 or 18 and have never even stepped outside of the auspices of your parents or home situation, I don’t want to know your name, I don’t want to compare you to some grown man or professional, and I definitely don’t want to leer into your future with any vested interest.  Sure, it’s great for colleges to reload their talent, but is there really a need to turn this into a meat market where the cattle dramatically put on some college’s hat in front of a contrived press conference?  No, there really isn’t.  Let the cattle announce where they go quietly with less fanfare and let’s check back in three years to see if the cattle turn out to be bulls or steer.

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

February 4, 2009 Posted by | College Football, General, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Let Hyperbole Rule The Day

The Super Bowl experience increasingly wraps and intertwines itself in a bind of hype, hyperbole, and overexposure.  Turn on your TV, radio, or computer today and everywhere you turn Super Bowl 43 stares at you like that money you would have saved if you signed with Geico.  From Sunday to Sunday the coverage is simply too much.  There is no way the game can ever live up to the hype that precedes it.  It’s Monday morning and I’ve already heard the following stories.

  1. Hines Ward is waking up every 3 hours to take medicine and ice his knee.  Big f’*cking deal.  So does the FlyGrandma.
  2. Tampa Bay is bracing itself for a week of record crowds.  New York just called to say “shut the f up.”
  3. Arizona players are spending Monday and Tuesday dealing with the logistics of giving out tickets.  All of America is busy ducking creditors, so giving out tickets seems mighty easy.
  4. This just in…Kurt Warner thanked Jesus.
  5. Mike and Mike on the Radio just went through their top Super Bowl moments.  Every other media outlest will publish their lists by noon on Tuesday.
  6. The weather in Tampa is nice. 
  7. Ben Roethlisberger is happy to be back in the Super Bowl.  What is he supposed to be, pissed off?
  8. Arizona feel like underdogs and nobody respects them.  You know who’s not respected?  The homeless, three-legged dogs, middle-aged call girls, honeybees, and teachers.
  9. John Madden is riding a bus to Tampa.  No shit.  Wow, is it filled with Turducken?
  10. Vegas is bracing for a record in bets.  Of course it is, everyone who’s broke is looking for the quick come up.

Dont Believe the Hype

Don't Believe the Hype

Brace yourselves for the wave of inundation.  If the game can be 1/10 as good as the hype machine says it will be, we’ll have ourselves a game worthy of being played in week 12 of any season. 

 

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

January 26, 2009 Posted by | Features & Opinions, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What The Hell Is That? Volume 1

 

Sports Analyst?

Sports Analyst?

I‘ve done my fair share of hallucinogens.  Straight up.  Had conversations with Leprechaun used-car salesmen disguised as chairs.  Check.  Made passionate love to an unsuspecting birch tree.  Check.  Believed I could melt a DC-10 with the sheer power of my thoughts.  Check and double check.   That was the past my friends, but this morning I woke up and saw something that blew my feeble mind into a thousand Hunter S. Thompson inspired pieces.  On ESPN’s First Take host Dana Jacobsen was moderating a debate between Skip Bayless and Lil’ Wayne.  That’s right, Skip Bayless and Lil’ Wayne.  Skip Bayless, and the endangered species he wears on his head, was locked into a serious debate about the BCS System with Lil’ Weezy.  What the hell is going on here?  In between debating whether or not Mack Brown did a good job coaching Texas in the Fiesta Bowl and talking about the state of the NBA, Dana Jacobsen found time to ask questions about Lil’ Wayne’s grill.  To his credit, Lil’ Wayne made a good show of himself despite sounding sedated on a handful of percodan washed down with a hurricane.  To their discredit, ESPN has lost the sliver of authenticity that they still maintained.

Here’s the problem.  The world of cross promotion saturates us with these “mashups” that make absolutely no sense, all in the name of exposure.  Being a student and fan of hip-hop for 25 years and a sports fan longer than that makes me realize that combining my likes actually makes me dislike and disassociate myself from both music and sports individually.  Hearing Lil’ Wayne or Immortal Technique or Del the Funky Homosapien speak about sports is as appealing as watching paint wither off my Dodge Dart.  Similarly, I wouldn’t  listen to a collaboration album between Stuart Scott, Linda Cohen, and Jay-Z.  Keep my favorites separated.  Music over here; sports over there.  It’s like putting gravy on ice cream or putting a tattoo of an eagle gripping a salmon on a beautiful pair of supple breasts.  Keep that stuff separate.

If we are forced to digest these cross-cultural mashups then let’s take it to the next level.  Skip and Lil’ Wayne talking sports is cool, but that’s a gateway drug.  Here are a couple of mashups that would really get things popping.

  • Shaq, Richard Simmons, and Oprah Winfrey doing a live television special in which they all get colonoscopies while debating the benefits of eating more kale and endives.
  • Mike Vick and the Dog Whisperer debating on the best housebreaking strategies for Lhasa Apsos.
  • R. Kelly and Michael Jackson espousing the virtues of home-schooling their kids while Charles Manson counters with the argument that kids need to be properly socialized in a traditional school environment.
  • Plaxico Burress and Suge Knight discussing gun control with Slobodan Milosevic and Idi Amin.
  • Pacman Jones and Paris Hilton doing PSA’s and being chaperones for a safe prom season.
  • Jessica Simpson and Lou Holtz co-writing a book entitled “In the Pocket… Keys to the West Coast Offense.”
Endangered Species Headgear

Endangered Species Headgear

Meanwhile, First Take continues with Skip Bayless telling Lil’ Wayne he loves his second album.  Skip you are a retard of the highest caliber.  That kid on “Life Goes On” just called to say you’re a mental dwarf.  Actually, Dana Jacobsen just ate a dwarf and swilled its entrails in a vodka spritzer.  I digress, but ESPN makes that girl wear black clothing everyday because she’s expanding faster than the universe.   Seriously, you’re a sports anchor do some goddamn situps.  ESPN shame on you.  Lil’ Wayne, much respect for not stabbing every one of those patronizing “I know black people” anchors as they talked to you about hip-hop and grills with trepidation laced with condescension.  Skip, Donald Trump called and said your hairpiece is a disgrace to the skull murkin community.  I long for a nice dose of LSD because reality is a trip.

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!

January 6, 2009 Posted by | Features & Opinions, General, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

20 NFL Questions

Braylon Edwards of the Browns

Braylon Edwards of the Browns

1. Why does Braylon Edwards blame the fans of Cleveland for his icy reception instead of blaming his own two hands?

2. Speaking of Cleveland, how in the world can the Dolphins go from 1-15 in 2007 to potential division winners in 2008, but the Browns haven’t come close to that in the ten years since their return to the league?

3. Do you think the winless Buccaneers of 1976 really want the Lions to win a game?

4. Why can’t T.O. simply utter these two words when posed a question?: No comment

T.O.

T.O.

5. After seeing the success of the Patriots during this decade, why does Jerry Jones continue to invest in trouble making divas?

6.  Is it possible that GM Carl Peterson actually fell on the sword to save his buddy Herm’s job?

7. Is  anyone else as tired as I am of these Miller Lite “More Taste League” ads?

8. And can I just watch a football game without being bombarded about commercials discussing erectile dysfunction, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and cancer?

9. Don’t you hope that this disappointing season won’t be an aid in moving the Bills out of Buffalo?

10. Can we please do away with the Pro Bowl and just have skill competitions?

11. Speaking of the Pro Bowl, did Brett Favre really deserve to be voted in?

12. Aren’t you surprised that you haven’t seen Peyton Manning in more ads this year?

13. When Al Davis inevitably fires his interim head coach, who in the world will want to coach this team?

14. Is wide receiver Jerry Porter the worst free agent signing of the off-season?

15. Isn’t Michael Turner the best free agent signing of the off-season?

16. Do you think the San Diego Chargers regret letting Turner walk away? 17. If he had a decent quarterback, wouldn’t Adrian Peterson be well over 2,000 rushing yards by now?

18. Isn’t it hard to believe that recently convicted O.J Simpson was one of the best backs the NFL has ever seen?

19. Aren’t you tired of ESPN’s John Clayton reporting a story one day, and contradicting himself the next?

20.  How is it that no matter who coaches the team (who plays for the them), the Steelers always win?

December 19, 2008 Posted by | Features & Opinions, NFL, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Where are they Now?

Ah, as High School basketball draws to a close we should anxiously anticipate the unveiling of the next “sure thing” moving through a year or two of the NCAA’s into NBA fame.  Names like Chris Webber, Kobe Bryant, “King” James, and Dwight Howard, all of which have done all but dissapoint.  But what about the ones that did disappoint, the ones that carried that world of potential to, well, not to the NBA.  Where are THEY now?

 

Jewish Jordan

"Jewish Jordan"

Tamir Goodman: Tabbed the Jewish Jordan, Goodman was recognized by Sports Illustrated, 60 Minutes, and ESPN after averaging 35.4 points per game at the Talmudical Academy of Baltimore, and was dubbed the 25th best HS basketball player in the country.  Goodman received a full-ride scholarship to the University of Maryland in 1999, but was released from his verbal commitment since the school could not accommodate his religious need to have Fridays and Saturdays free.

Goodman transferred to Towson University, but had a separate falling out as he thought his coach was Anti-Semitic.  Goodman finally had the opportunity to showcase his “Jordan-esque” skills when he was signed by Maccabi Tel Aviv in Israel.  In 2005, Goodman went on to serve in  the Israeli Defense Force, as a requirment of Israel.  After numerous knee injuries, Goodman returned to America, trying his hand with the Maryland Nighthawks of the PBL, yet today has has returned to Israel to play for the Maccabi Haifa team back in Israel.  Tamir is a motivational Speaker for youth in the Jewish Orthodox religion

Felipe Lopez

Felipe Lopez

 

Felipe Lopez: One of the most heralded players in US High School basketball history, Felipe landed countless accolades including Gatorade, Parade, and USA Today Player of the Year, McDonalds All-American MVP, and the cover of Sports Illustrated.  At 18, Lopez attended a conference with Jim Brown, Bill Clinton, and Jackie Joyner-Kersee.  He went on to have a little success at St. Johns University, inlcuding a 17.8 PPG Freshman Year then managed to squeak into the NBA, where he averaged a career total of 5.8 PPG over 4 years.

Felipe has gone on to play ball in the Domincan Republic, where his family immigrated from, The NBA’s D-League, Germany, Spain, The CBA, Brazil, and today in Venezuela for Gaiteros del Zulia.

The Greatest of All Time

The Greatest of All Time

 

Earl “The GOAT” Manigault: Who could forget, when legendary Laker center Kareem Abdul-Jabbar had his number 33 retired in the Los Angeles Forum, he was asked who the greatest player he ever faced was.  His response, yes Earl the GOAT Manigault.  

Earl was a basketball legend renowned for his dunking ability, even at 6 ‘-1”.  Rumored to have been able to touch the top of the backboard and execute on the Double-Dunk (Dunk with one hand, then with the other, all while remaining in the air).  Aftering receiving scholarships from Duke, North Carolina, Indiana and more than 70  more Universities, Earl opted to attend Johnson C. Smith University, where he lasted only one semester because of bad grades, which led to less playing time by his coach.  Earl fell into drug usage, catapulting him into prison on 2 separate occasions, but rebounded by starting the “Walk Away from Drugs” tournament held in Harlem, NY, still around today.  Earl passed away in 1998, but will always be remembered as the Greatest Of All Time!

Honorable Mention: Damon Bailey, Jerod Ward, Donnell Harvey, Sebastian Telfair, Leon Smith.

December 5, 2008 Posted by | NBA | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment