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Screw Potential. I Want Results!

Sports is replete with overused cliches and guilded phrases, none of which irk me more than “potential.”  We’ve all heard it from Mel Kiper, Jay Bilas, any number of draft analysts, talent evaluaters, talk radio show hosts, and sports news meat puppets.  When coming out of high school before being selected #1 overall NBA scouts gushed and creamed themselves over Kwame Brown’s potential.  What came of that?  Oh, a terrible player is what emerged from the golden egg of potential.  Two years ago the “Greg Oden has the potential to be the next Bill Russell” chatter began littering the sports world and blogosphere.  Harold Miner had potential to be the next Jordan.  Ki-Jana Carter had the potential to be the next Earl Campbell.  Potential, potential, potential.  Keep your potential, damnit.  The FlyMaster is interested only in results.  Straight up. 

The idea of potential ties into the larger issue of the “Wussification” of America.  Back in the day people either did it or didn’t do it.  There was no evaluation before anything happened.   Did the Founding Fathers sit around in Philadelphia talking about “We’ve got the potential to make a country”?  Hell no, they just did it.  Did Thomas Edison say “I’ve got the potential to make a light bulb”?  No.  He just failed until he succeeded.  Did Jesse Owens say “I’ve got the potential to humiliate Hitler in his own crib”?  No.  He just did it.  Talking about potential only diverts focus from going out and doing.  Potential is a try, and the great wise man, Yoda, once said, “there’s only do or do not, there is no try.”  That little green son-of-a-Degoba bitch knew what was up.

Poster Child for Potential?

Poster Child for Potential?

 In honor of all these folks tooting the horns of the upside and potential of the sports flavor of the month, allow the FlyMaster to make some “potential” calls.

  • Tim Tebow has the potential to be a waste of a draft pick
  • Any player from FSU or Miami has the potential of wearing gold fronts, speaking the worst English ever heard, and entering the league’s substance abuse program
  • Fat kids have the potential to become fat adults
  • Dumb kids have nothing but the potential to become dumb adults
  • The sun has the potential to rise in the east and set in the west
  • The Clippers and ThunderSonics (or whatever they are now) have the potential to suck for the forseeable future
  • A rubik’s cube has the potential to drive you batshit
  • Smoking weed has the potential to get you high
  • Pac Man Jones has the potential to make it rain on a whim
  • Itchy nuts means you have the potential of rockin’ the crabs

Take that.  When the wells of potential run dry what’s left?  Either you did or you didn’t.  So become the next Jordan.  Become the next Bill Russell.  Damn, become the next Shavlik Randolph or any other sorry Duke sucka that was doused in potential and the burned in failure.  Just bring it, don’t sing it.

FlyMaster Signing Off…For Now!  Potentially.

December 12, 2008 Posted by | Features & Opinions, General, Stupid Athletes, Talkin Trash | , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments