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Slumpdog Millionaire

When the NFL playoffs come around each winter, I always feel obligated to take some action on the weekends games. I justify it by using the “this only happens once a year, it’s the NFL Playoffs.” So I study spreads, take advice from six different friends and research what kind of food Deangelo Williams has been consuming this week that may rile up his bowels. I look at ridiculous prop bets like who will win the coin toss and first QB to throw an interception. Sounds fascinating and fun until you’ve realized what you’ve done. My other persona comes out to play, WagerinRondo. I’ve gone to Vegas twice and came back with only a pack of pretzels I snagged from the person sitting next to me on the airplane. It’s an ugly sight, but for your entertainment I lost some money and lived to tell about it.

retrogambling-1Now here’s my usual rules that I like to stick by:
1.Don’t do teasers. I usually can’t get one bet right so why deal with having two things happen.
2.Don’t bet on Eli Manning…for anything. I don’t care if he won a Super Bowl, he still poses a Manning Face all game.
3.Don’t make a bet that counters the previous bet on the same game. (I’ll explain soon enough)
4.If it’s snowing outside, don’t always bet the under. Snow must include some wind, freezing temps and rain.
5.If you’re smart, don’t bet on NFL Football this season…it’s unpredictable.

My stupidity is so clear to me today that this is the only way I’ll ever learn to keep my money. So here’s what went down. In Saturday’s game I liked the Ravens. I somehow broke rule one with a teaser of the Ravens +9 and under 40. Minutes before game time I chose to get creative and put in a parlay of the over (33) in the Ravens/Titans and the under (50) in the Arizona/Carolina game. I was hoping for a score between 34-39. Now this was about as ridiculous as an episode of 24 explaining how Tony Almeida can still be alive. If you don’t watch, well then I missed you on that one. Anyways, I broke two rules here and broke even. I also took Deangelo Williams over 106 yards in the night game…well he finished with 67. Another stupid forced prop bet just to add some meaning to a pointless Saturday night blowout. Thanks Jake!
For Sunday, I managed to break some more of my own rules. I bet on the Giants giving 4 points and realized that was a huge mistake when I noticed that a Pop Warner QB could throw a tighter spiral than Eli on that day. Eli and the G-Men have looked terrible near the end of the season and with an extra week off, lost any rhythm their week 17 win presented. So of course, I bet on the reigning chumps thinking that with Tuck and Jacobs back “healthy” they would be able to physically dominate the Eagles. This was followed by me yelling and sulking in the corner of the couch. I wonder if we will ever see that Citizen’s watch commercial claiming Eli is unstoppable. Does this mean that the watch won’t work properly if it is windy out? I digress.
And if you haven’t figured it out, I took Pittsburgh and the under teaser. Well folks, it was barely snowing, some wind and boy did they kill that under. I wanted Tomlin beaten with the type of calls he was making in that game. Fake punt in the first half and choosing to throw deep when they could just run out the clock! AHH, I will never watch another movie with Omar Epps in it now because of what transpired on Sunday.

So the lesson today folks is don’t gamble. It’s an added stressor to an already exciting sport. If you have that gambling itch, go for a run and tackle a snow bank. You’ll get that gambler’s rush followed by a cold sensation that leaves you seeking a snuggie. Remember, I made these bets so you didn’t have to…now I hope you’ve learned your lesson!

RaginRondo

January 12, 2009 Posted by | NFL | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment